Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Finding Someone

I'm a single man living in a somewhat conservative community. I'd like to get married someday. Hopefully sooner rather than later as I'm already approaching middle age. I guess I'm worried that I won't be able to find someone who will accept the fact that I've written erotic fiction or that my erotica writing is basically an outlet for my sexual fantasies.

I'm certainly not the only erotica author who writes under a pseudonym. I've talked with other writers who live in communities similar to my own and it's very important that they keep their writing identities a secret. But I'm not one to keep secrets. At least not to the people that I care about. There are only a handful of friends of mine who are aware of my erotica writing and I want to be able to share it with someone that I love too. Not just the fact that I've written erotica but I hope that I'll be able to share it with her as well.

I think it's important that couples are open with each other about their sexuality, their fantasies and fetishes and I kinda like the idea of being able to say, "Hey, if you want to know what my fantasies are like, just read my blog and my erotica. It's all there."

As I date, I have to gauge who I think would be able to accept my erotica writing. This isn't easy. I don't come right out and say it, of course, but as I get to know different women, I can certainly figure out early on who might have a problem with it. I keep hoping that I'll find someone who not only won't have a problem with it but would be open to reading it and also sharing with me their own sexual fantasies in a fun and healthy way.

Sometimes I think that because of my erotica writing, I may have inadvertently isolated myself; adding a layer to my own persona that some women just won't be able to get past. But, then I consider the fact that as a storyteller and someone with a healthy sexual appetite and fantasy life, who wants to share said fantasies with the one I love, the only difference between me and anybody else is that I've written my fantasies down... okay, I sell them for others to enjoy as well. I suppose some women might have a problem with that too.

I really hope I find the one who'll just accept me... and soon.


  1. Stephen . . . I think the answer is to approach things slowly, and in stages.
    You are right that people should be open with each other about ALL issues (not just sexual ones), but from a woman's point of view I can tell you that I think you should approach that particular subject (about your erotic writing), slowly and with caution.
    You don't want your lady to feel as though you may be interested in her only as subject matter, or inspiration for, a new story.
    I would suggest developing your relationships initially, as though you didn't have your other interest. Wait until you become closer to someone in every other "normal" aspect first.
    Usually trust, and openness, comes with time and a feeling of comfort and relaxation with each others views.
    Small steps . . . giant strides.
    Xxx - K

    1. These days I'm all about getting the awkward "secret" stuff out in the open right away. Makes everything else seem like small potatoes by comparison. ;-)